Reflecting on Motherhood: What I Would Do Differently as a First-Time Mom
This year, I gave birth to our third child. And I’ve had some time to reflect on how my experience with motherhood has changed with each child. Becoming a first-time mom was the most transformative journey I’ve experienced as a parent.
It was filled with joy, challenges, and countless learning experiences. As I look back on my early days of motherhood, I can’t help but reflect on things. And what I would do differently if given the chance to rewind time. While I wouldn’t change the love I poured into caring for my son, there are certainly aspects of parenting that I now realize I could have approached differently. In sharing my thoughts, I hope to offer insight and guidance to other first-time moms embarking on this incredible journey.
Trust My Instincts
One thing I would do differently as a first-time mom is to trust my instincts more. In the early days of motherhood, I often found myself second-guessing my decisions and seeking validation from others. I was constantly seeking out advice from others, whether they were friends and family or people on the internet.
Looking back, I realize that I had an innate intuition about what was best for my child. Learning to trust that inner voice and have confidence in my parenting abilities would have alleviated much unnecessary stress and anxiety. I really honed this skill after my second was born and we were faced with some medical emergencies that required hospitalization.
Prioritize Self-Care
As a first-time mom, I was so focused on meeting my baby’s needs that I often neglected my own well-being. I would spend countless hours tending to my little one, sacrificing sleep, nutrition, and self-care in the process. My health declined, mentally and physically.
In hindsight, I now recognize the importance of prioritizing self-care as a means of sustaining my physical and mental health. Taking time for myself, whether it’s drinking enough water, taking a walk outside, or simply sitting in silence for a few moments of quiet reflection, is essential for replenishing my energy and nurturing my spirit.
And while that self-care looks different after three kids, it was much easier to prioritize with one child. I could have managed my time better during naps or had someone come over to help give me time to myself.
Accept Help
Another aspect of motherhood I would approach differently is accepting help from others. As a type-A person, it was easy for me to want to be a supermom and do it all on my own. I often hesitated to ask for or accept assistance from friends and family. However, I’ve come to realize that it truly does take a village to raise a child.
Accepting help doesn’t make me weak or incapable; it simply acknowledges the reality that parenting is a collective effort. Whether it’s a home-cooked meal, a listening ear, or someone to watch the baby while I take a much-needed nap, learning to accept help graciously has been a game-changer.
Be Present in the Moment
One regret I have as a first-time mom is not being fully present in the moment with my child. With the pressures of modern-day life and the endless distractions of technology, I often found myself multitasking or mentally preoccupied when spending time with my baby.
Looking back, I wish I had savored those precious moments more fully, without the constant pull of emails, social media, or household chores. Now, I make a conscious effort to put my phone away, quiet my mind, and immerse myself in the simple joys of motherhood.
Today, as I type this, I am letting three baskets of laundry sit until this evening so I can take the kids out for a fun little adventure today. I would have never done this as a first-time mom. But I know realize the importance of prioritizing the kids.
Embrace Imperfection
As a perfectionist by nature, I often placed unrealistic expectations on myself as a first-time mom. I wanted everything to be picture-perfect, from my baby’s nursery to our daily routine. However, I soon learned that motherhood is messy, unpredictable, and beautifully imperfect.
When raising little humans who are learning how to navigate life alongside me, there is chaos and imperfection all day long. Embracing the chaos and letting go of the need for perfection has allowed me to enjoy the parenting journey with greater ease and grace.
Seek Support and Connection
During those early days of motherhood, I sometimes felt isolated and alone in my struggles. I wish I had reached out to other moms for support and connection sooner. Whether it’s joining a mom’s group, attending a breastfeeding support circle, or simply chatting with other parents at the park. Seeking out community has been instrumental in my journey as a mother. Connecting with others who share similar experiences and challenges reminds me that I’m not alone. It also provides a sense of camaraderie that is both comforting and empowering.
We moved when Chulengo was 6 months old, but I wish I had connected with other moms during that time. After our move, I jumped in and joined a Fit4Mom group in my neighborhood. This made a huge difference. However, we moved again a year later, and I was pregnant and feeling unwell. So it was easy for me to isolate more than I should have, and I regret that.
Focus on Quality Over Quantity
In my eagerness to be the perfect mom, I often fell into the trap of over-scheduling and overstimulating my child. I would pack our days with activities and outings, thinking that more was better. However, I’ve since learned that quality trumps quantity when it comes to spending time with my kids. It’s not about how many activities we do or how many toys we have; it’s about the quality of our interactions and the love and presence I bring to each moment.
I read an article that found 20 minutes of one-on-one time with a child is more meaningful than hours of multi-tasking and not focusing. Twenty minutes, that’s crazy, but helpful to hear when trying to juggle everything while raising kids.
Practice Patience and Flexibility
Motherhood has taught me that things don’t always go according to plan, and that’s okay. As a first-time mom, I would often become frustrated and stressed when Chulengo didn’t adhere to the schedule or milestones I had set.
However, I’ve learned to practice patience and flexibility, recognizing that each child develops at their own pace and has their own unique temperament. By embracing the ebb and flow of parenthood with an open heart and a sense of humor, I’ve been able to navigate the inevitable challenges with greater ease and resilience.
Be Kind to Myself
Perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learned as a first-time mom is to be kind to myself. Motherhood is a journey filled with highs and lows, successes and failures, triumphs and setbacks. It’s easy to be hard on myself and to compare my parenting journey to others, but I’ve come to realize that I’m doing the best I can with the knowledge and resources I have.
Learning to extend grace and compassion to myself, especially on the tough days, has been a powerful act of self-love and self-acceptance. It was tough for me to accept that grace when others had opinions that didn’t align with our values and needs as a family.
Cherish More Moments as a First-Time Mom
Finally, if I could go back and do one thing differently as a first-time mom, it would be to cherish every moment with my child. Time passes so quickly, and before we know it, our babies grow up and embark on their own little journeys. While there were undoubtedly moments of exhaustion, frustration, and doubt during those early days of motherhood, there were also moments of pure joy, wonder, and unconditional love. I wish I had savored those moments more fully, imprinting them in my heart as treasured memories to carry with me always.
Today, I am soaking in the quiet middle of the night feedings with baby number three, instead of getting upset that I am exhausted.
In conclusion, reflecting on my journey as a first-time mom has allowed me to gain valuable insights and perspective. While there are certainly aspects of motherhood I would do differently if given the chance, I’m grateful for the lessons learned and the growth that has come from the experience.
To all the first-time moms embarking on this incredible journey, I offer these reflections with love and solidarity. Remember to trust your instincts, prioritize self-care, seek support when needed, and above all, cherish every moment with your precious little one. You’ve got this, mama!
